Multigenerational Families: Moving in With Your Children

Stephanie Vendig was nice enough to interview us and give us mention in her recent monthly column appearing in the Los Feliz Ledger. Below is a transcript of her article. To read more in the Los Feliz Ledger, visit www.losfelizledger.com.


In my generation, the American ideal of self-sufficiency was strong. Children are supposed to grow up, leave home and then just visit. The parents are supposed to grow old pursuing an independent life without being a burden to their children. They would sell their house, move to a retirement community, or to an Assisted Living Facility. It was a modern way of thinking, unlike the “old-fashioned” way.

However, multigenerational households in America, as in many traditional societies in the world were always part of the landscape. But today, as people live longer and with economic conditions insecure, the “old-fashioned” way is reoccurring. According to the Pew Research Center, 16.1% of our population is taking on the responsibility of caring for aging relatives in their home. It may be the grown children whose own children have grown and left the home or it may be grown children who still have children under 18 years of age—the “sandwich” generation facing double responsibilities.

Psychologically, grown children returning to the parents’ home could be less of an adjustment for the parent (except for the fact you can’t go back to being a parent). In other words, “You are moving into my house. I already know my space.” But when the parent moves into the children’s home, they are more like a guest. You would be starting a new lifestyle. In either case, there needs to be an assessment of needs identified by both parties. Does the house need to be modified so the parent can function as independently as possible, what is the extent of assistance needed, and what opportunities will there be for socialization outside of the family?

Then there are considerations if the grown children are working or are unable to provide full time attention to the needs of the parents because of other responsibilities. Even with a family that provides a familiar and a comforting home, the parent could be shortchanged.

If you write “caring for older parents,” in the search engine of your computer, you will find a lot of ideas and resources on the subject. You can contact the Los Angeles Dept. of Aging, http://aging.lacity.org/ or call (213) 252-4000 for care giving supports.

Home care for parents can be tailored to your needs. Leanna Dickstein, co-owner with her husband Doug of the local agency, Right at Home (818) 956-5905, spoke with me about their home care services. They provide staff who have been screened (background check), bonded and insured. The tasks are customized to match the needs and the time periods required. The offer help for a variety of needs: like for or companionship or help driving the elder parent to appointments. The service also can be used for assisting in personal hygiene or medications reminders or meal preparation. Thus, a family caring for older parents often needs extra supports to reap the benefits of sharing their household.